Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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