i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
