I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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