it hurts more in the daytime
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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