he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
