I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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