My Higher Power is John Stamos
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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