Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
