This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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