sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
