yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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