Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
