I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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