This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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