Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
