Whod you bang
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
