i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
