Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
