We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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