So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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