what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
