The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
