I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
