I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize