Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
