Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
