My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he shaved USA in his pubs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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