Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
