just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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