Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
