3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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