Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
