drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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