By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
