I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
