Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
