Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
