You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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