I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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