i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
