You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
