Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
