So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
