Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
