Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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