This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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