at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've changed since you got that strap on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
