so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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