You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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