i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
