I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
