This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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