I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
