turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
