The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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