I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you had me at cake vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
