I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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