I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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