eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
