Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please come you make the beer taste better
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
