My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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