I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
