I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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Someone stole a lamp last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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