how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
