someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
