I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
