Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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