have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
