I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
