Don't you send me to vm
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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