im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
