I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
