hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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