I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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