so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
