i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
