Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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