i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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