dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
