How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
