Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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