You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize