dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
