So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
