i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
