I skipped work to stalk him.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
