the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
