Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
