We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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