I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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