Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
